Sorry for every time I made you feel bad.
I know you’ll never read this in your entire life, but I need to say it somewhere.
I’m being treated the same now. I’m being hurt the same. And every time it happens, I think about you.
I’m sorry for every night I fell asleep while you stayed awake waiting for me.
I’m sorry for every message I answered too late.
I’m sorry for every time I thought you’d understand.
It’s being returned to me now. Maybe that’s why I finally see it. Maybe some lessons only make sense when they come back around and knock on your own door.
I’m being treated the same.
Ignored the same.
Left wondering the same.
Waiting the same.
And every time it happens, your face crosses my mind for a second.
Maybe that’s selfish. Maybe I’m only understanding your pain because I can finally feel it myself.
Maybe that’s what guilt is.
Not remembering what you did.
But finally understanding what it felt like.
Maybe I’m overreacting. Maybe it isn’t the same at all. Maybe I’m connecting things that don’t belong together.
But I still feel sorry.
I still wish I could say it to your face.
Not through a message.
Not through a post.
Not through words thrown into the void.
Just once.
Just so you could know that I know now.
That I understand now.
That some of the things I brushed aside stayed with me longer than I thought.
I’m full of guilt.