Peace — #V0ID

I found peace briefly in my life. I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it. I really felt full, I swear. For a moment, everything was quiet. For a moment, I wasn’t looking for something to fill the gaps.

But here I am again, writing.

Writing about… nothing specific. I speak in feelings. Raw feelings. The kind of things you say once and they echo in your head until they hit a wall and come back louder. The kind of thoughts that don’t even feel like thoughts anymore.

I’m messed up.

I couldn’t touch again, and I feel eager to have it back. Maybe that’s what hurts the most. Knowing it existed. Knowing I felt it. Knowing it wasn’t a dream.

I’m broken. Really broken now.

And I honestly don’t know what to say.

I’m empty. I have no thoughts. I’m trying to express something, anything, but I feel hollow inside. Sometimes it’s like there’s nothing in my brain at all. Just silence. Just static. And other times I feel like I could burn the world down with the words I have trapped inside me.

Maybe that’s why I write.

I created this for my peace, and maybe it’s working. Maybe my peace comes when I write. I write when I’m angry. I write when I’m sad. I put my face on the internet so my sadness can exist somewhere outside of me.

Maybe that’s what expression is for.

To take something heavy and place it somewhere else.

I’m still dumb. I still make the same mistakes. I still run into the same walls. I rage fast and I cool off fast. I wish I didn’t. I wish I could hold on to things less. I wish I could let go of things sooner. I wish I knew which one was the problem.

I wish I understood myself.

I wish I knew what I’m missing.

I wish I could keep the peace when it comes instead of watching it leave.

I wish.

I wish I.